SONG OF THE MOMENT: Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Now that Sam Harvey left Manila to return to Windy Wellington, I'm now on my own. I have to accept the fact that Wellington is 15 hours away for Manila by plane. Yes, I'm still grieving that I have to leave behind my mates in Blueprint. Like right now, I have to wear sunglasses even inside the mall 'coz, every now and then, tears are freely flowing from my eyes.
It's just funny 'coz I know in my heart that GOD has started a change in me while I was in Wellington. For the first time in my 22 years of existence, I feel secure and confident in who I am. That I am Edmond Robert, fearfully and wonderfully created by GOD. That I am purchased by the blood of Christ. That I am capable of being loved for who I am (because I've been wrestling with that fact for so long).
And then now, I'm back to my old habitat, in a place where 3 months ago I'm hanging by the thread 'coz I'm at my all-time low. Old doubts and fears want to re-surface and they're wrestling with the newfound assurance and confidence within me. What an internal mess!
Reminds me of the illustration used in Philip Yancey's "Rumours of Another World" (which BTW I just finished reading this morning!). A young river salmon "smoltifies" in order to adapt to salt-water environment. Smoltification involves physical and chemical changes in order for the salmon to suit well in its new environment. This must be an exciting time for Mr. Sammy the Salmon! But no, when Sammy gets old, he returns to his old habitat just for him to mate and die. Changes in his features cause him to no longer thrive in his original home. Whoa!
In a sense, I am "smoltified" when I came to Wellington. And now that I returned here in Manila, will I be good for nothing like Mr. Sammy? Hell no! I choose to trust HIM - HE who holds the universe by the palm of HIS hands (and is able to move people across the globe) is the same ONE who loves me the most. He who blessed me much in Wellington is the same ONE who is with me wherever I am.
It still sucks to feel alone. But HE is with me. I wanna choose to stick by my choice of trusting HIM.
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2 comments:
Awesome Edmond! You write really beautifully! We all love you and miss you back here and you can feel secure in the change God has done in you. Hold your head high in who you are. Kia kaha (Maori for "Be Strong")
Cheers for that!
I just realised how powerful a tool our blogs can be, especially after having read some of your blogs. I mean, I've seen that despite our frailties and flaws, at the end of the day it's all about GOD who works in us. And that's what we ought to write about.
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