Cross-posting

I posted this in another blog of mine (which I no longer update) several months' back (30th of May last year, to be exact). I'm posting it here, pure and unadulterated, save for some formatting that I've done. Notice this guy's angst!

"Ugh, what is it about me that people wanna know about anyway, says my Multiply profile. I tend to be boring, you know. Why’d I say that? ‘Coz I’m by myself 24/7.. I mean, I can be with a group of people but still have that shark called “loneliness” biting through this guy’s heart and soul as if I were an unfortunate fish that crossed its path..

Perhaps I have to spill some beans on why I act distant towards people, as in people in general.. Perhaps, I never seem to run out of reasons for feeling insecure - that no matter what I do, everyone else is better than me.. AND in my book, someone better than me doesn’t necessarily translate to someone to befriend me.. This thought pattern has a lot to do with both past experiences and my being uber-introvert..

I realised that there are over 6 billion people in this third rock from the sun, but no I’m alone often times. Why can’t I just let loose and swim with the fishes in this vast ocean (and sooner or later find a group of people who will love and accept me for me and in turn will I love and accept for who they are).. Will I find them soon? Will I find them 4 time zones away from Manila? Or better yet, will I be the person someone that is worth the love and acceptance?

Ugh, I said it.. I mean, I just can’t believe I wrote this..

Anyway, I will be unleashing a new blog in a few months’ time.. Can’t tell what’s in it right now, until things are settled.. This will be exciting.. So far, the initials of this blog are W.W.
Peace out!"

"I am your brother, your best friend forever.."

Meet Renaldo Lapuz, reputedly known as "William Hung" of American Idol Season 7. And he's a Filipino. I dunno whether to laugh or to cry.

For now, let's sing along:

"I am your brother, your best friend forever.."

Whoasome!

Currently listening to: Boys Like Girls (album) by Boys Like Girls

Guess what?! I received an e-mail from Schmap Wellington Guide, asking my permission so that they can post one of my photos in the upcoming edition of their travel guide. Actually, this was just included in their short-list, so anything is still possible. Nonetheless, this is sweet!

I'm like, whoa! Like it was my first time to have a digital camera, let alone dabble with photography. Before, I'm not really keen to take photos because I feel like I might mess up with the photo. Basically it was fear that motivated me not to pursue things. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of criticism.. Fear! 4 letter word, but nonetheless a powerful word that brings about dread and intimidation. And the truth is I lived in its shadows for so many years, perhaps most of my childhood and adolescence (fine, early manhood.. hehehe!)

But I must say that those 3-month stay in Wellington has instilled something in me. OK, something in me got unleashed as I spent those brief moments with my other family. Brief, yes. They may forget me sooner or later. I may forget them as I shuffle through life (I really hope not.) But I'm still thankful that even for a short time in my early 20's, something meaningful and life-enhancing has occurred to me. Somehow, I learned to love myself for the first time. For all my God-given strengths and limitations. I have somehow a sense of security, that despite the oppositions I may face, fear not! That somehow I am lovable for who I am. That I'm being transformed from glory to glory. That hey, I can take some decent photos that my mates appreciate and somehow miss. And one of those photos is being considered to grace a travel guide for future visitors of Windy Wellington, that spot in the world wherein a small and loving community hangs out together inside a cafe in Glover Park.

And here is the photo. I took this last November 1, just 5 days before I said "Au revoir, Wellington!" The mixture of joy and melancholy brought about by my 3-month experience have somehow inspired me in this photo. And yes, you guys (you know who you are).. you all inspired me! Sounds cheesy, but yeah whatever!

Blogged with Flock

The weekend dilemma

Currently listening to: Park Bench Theories (album) by Jamie Scott & The Town

When I have to wake up, my body still craves for sleep.
(Weekdays, ugh!)

When I still wanna sleep, a burst of energy suddenly surges into my body.
(Weekends, whoa!)

:D

Now what?!

Currently listening to: Wincing the Night Away (album) by The Shins

2K8 has already begun! Let's see:
- Today (January 6) marks the 3rd month of our Feilding trip ("our" being Helen, Kiri, Nga and yours truly!). And it just so happen that right now most of the Blueprint crew are there for the Soul Survivor festival. At the mo, I wish I were there!
- I just had a MAJOR hairstyle change yesterday. All I can say is that I'm not yet ready to post a photo of me at this time. NOT YET! :)
- I'll be back at work tomorrow! (After 2 weeks' worth of holiday!) And I'm not yet that ready to face reality.. Perhaps my new hairstyle (or the lack of it, oops it just slipped out of my keyboard LOL) will break the ice for me..
- This is the year of the Beijing Olympics and the US presidential elections. Speakin' of MAJOR world events, I'm wonderin' if I will have another opportunity to travel this year. (Just in case I can't drop by NZ for this year..)
- I wanna be absolutely excited for this year. But it's the pessimistic mindset that tends to spoil the fun for me. I dunno.. I wanna break through stuff this year.. Break barriers, break walls, break hearts (nah!)
- And I'm turning 23 this year! (Man, I just turned 22 a few months back and now I'm talking about 23!)

I just feel lonely as usual! It's just 35 gigs worth of music in my laptop, the new Philip Yancey book I bought a week ago ("Soul Survivor") and me.. I know I'm by my own right now (physically with people but Im like a walled city).. The truth is I wanna talk to someone I can trust and sense that he/she is willing to be my shrink even for a few hours(!).. I just wanna spill out my mind and heart.. Even if it takes tears and bits of laughter just to make the point in expressing the funk I'm into at present..

Yeah I know I need HIM right now.. But perhaps I need someone who can go with me in going to HIM.. That's it!